A Pie in Crisis

College can be an exciting and wild time, but it can also leave an unfamiliar freshman confused, sometimes even unsettled. For me, it seemed my own personal confusion manifested itself in the form of food and while I hate to sound like a typical New Yorker, I feel something has to be said. What is going on with the pizza around here? It seems like everyone loves Canyon’s pies, but to me, they’re way too thick and unpleasantly dry. It’s like they’re conserving their sauce for some secret reason, as if one day they’re going to literally paint the town red with all the marinara they’ve been hoarding. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the use of ranch dressing as a dipping sauce... I’m sorry, but I can’t think of one rational reason explaining why ranch dressing and pizza of any kind should be ingested at the same time. Sure, there’s the argument about buffalo chicken pizza, but, hello, have we forgotten about blue cheese? I really hate to single anyone out, but to all you Pennsylvania-ites out there, I’ve took the time to upload some images not only for your viewing pleasure, but also for your much needed education. On the bottom left you will notice a representation of Canyon Pizza’s typical product and to your right, an image illustrating what your pizza is supposed to look like. I realize that the subtle differences between the two could go unnoticed by an untrained eye, but luckily, I am here to elaborate. First and foremost, we have the issue of crust to cheese proximity. You see how Canyon’s slice has inches separating the two? This is wrong, plain and simple. Crust serves one immediate purpose, it is how you hold on to your pizza, THAT’S IT! Considering the normal human hand does not need two plus inches to grab something...you see where I’m going with this. Furthermore, there’s the issue of the bubbles. Canyon’s extreme bubbling problem stems from the use of far too much dough. Comparatively speaking, the New York pizza has little to no bubbles, clear evidence of nothing less than an experienced dough thrower. Finally, and without ripping Canyon and Canyon-likes apart too much, there’s the issue of moisture. Please take note of your images, with Canyon’s slice, the sauce appears dry at the top and nonexistent towards the bottom, but with the New York slice, the sauce appears generously dispersed while remaining proportionate to the amount of cheese used. Clearly, we have some issues here. I only hope that with more time and experience, and maybe a weekend get away to the Big Apple, Canyon Pizza will be able to up their game. Until then, Pita Pit serves as a fair late night alternative.